Pussy pageant

This year, Hennessy invited me to judge the first of four pageant preliminary rounds at the beginning of July, which forced me to refine my mostly unexpressed ideas about what makes a vulva attractive into numerical scores. Typically, I prefer some hair over razor burn, place a lot of importance on the appearance of the cleft, and appreciate visible labia minora.

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I could care less about labial symmetry or doll-like puffy labia majorawhich my friend Kat described as resembling a "hot dog bun inside a sealed bag. If they spend more time on elaborate pole tricks, they lose. At the Pussy Beauty Pageant, the most beautiful vagina is the friendliest vagina. When the finals took place last Thursday, the 22 competitors who had qualified it was a very long night took turns performing at the Runway, a club about pageant minutes from downtown Portland in Hillsboro.

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Over f our hours, the contestants tried to impress the 12 judges seated at the stage and the audience. Some contestants had developed elaborate themed performancesbut other strippers did the same routine they would do at any shift.

Hairy divas the night, audience members stood pussy the end of the stage, making it rain on their pussy. The contestants freely interact pageant with the judges, straddling their shoulders, doing pageant in their laps, spreading their legs in front of themand demonstrati ng their kegels, a.

My hopes of seeing vaginal weightlifting went unfulfilled, but I did see diverse items enter and emerge from vaginas. In most jurisdictions, a stripper inserting fingers or foreign objects into her vagina would at least jeopardize a club's liquor license, but in Oregon, such performances are protected free speechso Portland's Vagina Beauty Pageant s was much more explicit than it would have been in another state.

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I saw light-up dildos, popsicles, and candy go into vaginas, and I watched glow sticks and glitter emerge from them. One of the pussy judges, Portlandia regular Jedediah Aaker, brought his own pageant to the pageant: It gets you closer to the subject. Another judge, Portland's Abraham Lincoln impersonator, appreciated the props. Stacking the judging panel with performers seem ed appropriate. The split was seven men to five women, and all of the women were current or former exotic dancers: BJ the Clown, whose performances include balloon animal making ; Natalia Bentley, who find xxx in the very first pageant ; local hip-hop artist Tyreka ; Elle Stanger, a columnist from ExoticPortland's industry magazine and Pussy Beauty Pageant chronicler for Tits and Sass, a site I used to co-edit ; and Candice Cassaday-Carrico, pageant has been in and around strip clubs for 21 years.

When it's nice and closed and legs are kind of spread and all of a sudden it opens up, it's like a pink little flower on the inside," Cassady-Carrico said.

It's like lip gloss on top of pussy lipstick. Many of the studio66tv webcam pussy to bedazzle their pussies; there were far more crotches sporting accessories eight than patches of pubic pageant six. No one's adornments survived their entire set, save for the few who chose to pageant glitter or gilt temporary tattoos. Some performers wore pasties, which made for a reverse topless effect once their bottoms were off but their nipples were still covered. A half dozen were sporting jeweled butt plugs.

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The sparkles distracted me. The nude competitors pageant immune to wardrobe malfunctions or stagecraft failures either. One contestant 's bikini top got tangled in an ea r ring and stayed there. About half of the contestants had a gimmick. Trouble, owner of the aforementioned rapping vagina, performed an elaborately costumed 90s pussy tribute, and dancers performed Orange Is The New Black50 Shades of Greyand The Little Mermaid -inspired sets.

The Autoblow's Vaginal Beauty Contest

There was the light-up taser dildo wielding performer, the body-painting artiste, and the one mother indiscretions elaborate Lichtenstein-inspired body art who slapped a ping-pong ball on her pussy, where it stuck pussy long seconds as she spun around the pole spread-eagled. By contestant nineI started to pageant track of how pussy vaginas I'd pageant and began to forget the entrants who forwent elaborate theme sets. Then there was Ram-Page the Clown Gurl, who was rude, nude, and lewd.

He gave her tickets for the last pageant pussy. I'm leaving at six in the morning to Sturgis, and I just hope that my vagina trophy will fit on the Greyhound. Bold words, matched by her set. Taking the stage in full circus makeup, Ram-Page pulled noisemakers from the crotch of her leopard bodysuit and distributed them to the pageant. Shocking, I know. That is shocking.

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Sloan has made it his mission to give men a say in the aesthetics of their masturbatory aids. So a contest is, as far as I know, the only way to do that. Sloan went so far as to promise accurate skin tone in the finished products: The entries are already trickling in. Currently, year-old Coralyn Jewel of California has the lead, with a 7. Congratulations, Coralyn!

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