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I was definitely taking the "Tough love" approach because I've read countless times on this and other boards, secret Mormons claimed that they were cool with their SO not being Mormon, and that they weren't, themselves, orthodox.
I also expected that my spouse would be temple worthy and that I would get married in the temple, which was not the case. I wanted that full support though I am certainly not saying that marrying a Mormon ensures that.
I get to spend my life with someone part was not raised on fear and guilt and strict gender stepfathers.
If you try to deconvert her I suggest indirectly at first.